


Falling

by TsingaDark



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Gen, Panic Attacks, implied thoughts of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 23:40:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6728035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsingaDark/pseuds/TsingaDark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Dan gets panic attacks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after an incredibly difficult day and i tried to work through my feelings by writing this.  
> I've thought about not sharing this but I think society should be more open about mental health problems, so this is my contribution to that. Also, for everyone that's ever wondered how it can feel like to have an anxiety attack/to feel anxious, this is how it is for me.

Dan was lying in bed, his face shoved into a pillow. He could feel the invisible walls closing in on him, had been able to feel it the whole day. He'd managed to keep them at bay through sheer will power but now that he was alone, he couldn't do it anymore. He had stopped pretending he had everything under control as soon as he had stepped through his front door.

He felt the familiar sting of tears burning in his eyes and let them run free. If he didn't do it now they would come at another time. It didn't matter, it was inevitable. They were always unwelcome but some times more so than other times.

He clutched the sheets as his whole body began to tremble. He hated feeling like this, feeling like he had no control whatsoever over himself. He hated that the smallest things could do this to him. Why were things so hard for him that were so easy for others? Why couldn't he be like them? Be _normal_. Without this constant weight pressing him down, not making it able for him to get back up again.

He sobbed into the pillow which was already soaked with tears at this point and he felt disgusted. Disgusted with himself, for being this weak, for not being strong enough to overcome this feeling of dread forming in the pit of his stomach whenever any sort of interaction was required of him that he felt uncomfortable with. It wasn't even the talking to people bit that particularly scared him. It was the unplanned things he stumbled across, the surprises. And it didn't stop there. This thing inside of him made him be afraid of the things he actually wanted. He couldn't understand why his mind would play such cruel tricks on him, to the point where he didn't even want to leave the house anymore because he couldn't _breathe_. Not matter how much he tried, he struggled to get enough air into his lung which in turn made him cry even harder and let him spin out of control.

On those kind of days he always fell asleep in bed, with drying tears on his face and one thought in mind: If this was what living felt like, he didn't want to live anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know what you think :)


End file.
